I Will Punch You

Why Punching?

A photo of a person in a moose costume being hugged by a lady in a touque and gloves. It's _not_ winter

My name is John PunchingMan, a maverick in the realm of alternative therapies. As a result of great moderation and feedback by the people I paid 700 dollars to write good feedback about me, I determined that a good punch can solve a lot of problems. I have unlocked the secret power of punching people, and want to share it with the world, for free!

Through my extensive searching on bing, I discovered that punching people at random, with no set duration or schedule, makes that person's bloodflow improve by 7,000%. It is also the world's best cure to wanting to look purple for only like, idk a week i guess.

As a believer of science, I know that free, untimed and irregular punches of an unspecified duration, to an unspecified part of the body makes you feel amazing about your day; Which is why I feel amazing about offering this service, around the globe, for free!

The non-believers can SUCK IT! JOHN WON AGAIN! JOHN DID IT! JOHN MADE PUNCHING A SCIENCE!

Look at all of these satisfied members!

I never agreed to this
-- yas c.

Please don't post me on your website
-- michael, the guy suing me

Why did I allow this
-- a dumbass fox

that'll be 27 dollars
-- my barista

Get in touch

no

if you would like to opt out of being punched, please open my document at opt-out-document-that-i-am-legally-mandated-to-have-on-my-website-for-whatever-reason.pdf, and remember that you are weak and a coward because you don't like being punched, and need to make it my problem

this site is a parody and satire. i'm not sorry. seriously. i'm not, because this doesn't exist. Image credits, Barista is by Benzolx on freepik, the moose & the lumbarjack are by cira, yas c. is yassie, and kio is obv. kio. if your name is John PunchingMan and you want me to change the name, please open up opt-out-document-that-i-am-legally-mandated-to-have-on-my-website-for-whatever-reason.pdf and opt-out